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Have you ever experienced an unexpected backlash or negative reaction after putting yourself out there with a new product, program or service? Often the trolls come out in response to an email or blog post too. Been there? I sure have.
Some gurus celebrate these “war wounds” as an indicator of being noticed. The jury is still out for me on that. What I do know is the first time it happened, my initial reaction was to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. It’s (almost) enough to make you want to quit.
And about two years ago I was completely blindsided by the reaction to a new program a partner and I were planning to launch. It really knocked me for a loop. People can be really mean!
When I was in the midst of the frustration, anger, self-doubt and plain old stuckness that comes with any kind of response you’re not prepared for, my intuition kicked into gear and I reached out to my mastermind for… help.
I posted my situation to our mastermind forum and within minutes I had people who truly care about me and my success sending me virtual hugs, sharing their experiences and helping me to move forward again. I was able to pick myself up, dust myself off – in record time!
There’s no info product, article or eBook that could have impacted me the way this group of amazing women did that day (and still do).
If you’re going through anything similar, I want you to know that you are not alone.
And that there are some really simple things you can do to manage the fear and self-doubt that comes with any kind of negative response …
1. Get out of your head and follow your heart.
When you’re in the midst of a painful situation it’s easy to curl up in a ball and completely shut down or, the opposite, to lash out too quickly.
The negative self-talk we all experience is louder and nastier than ever.
The key is to get out of your head and follow your heart. Challenge the self-talk and compare it to the truths you hold in your heart. The sooner you do this, the quicker you’ll bounce back – stronger than ever!
2. Reach out and ask for help.
My mentor reminded me of something …
There’s a big myth that exists in our minds that admitting our fear somehow makes us weak or unsuccessful. And I agree with Marie… this is total baloney.
Here’s her advice on this one:
“I feel fear regularly…especially when I’m in the midst of creating a lot of cool, new stuff.
When you step outside of the norms in business and life, expect some fear. Just don’t let it stop you.
The best thing to do is to gently call yourself out on it and more importantly, call a friend.
The secret is to share your fear from a neutral place (meaning: don’t FREAK out and believe your fearful thoughts) and allow your friend to “talk you back from the ledge.”
3. Fail Forward and Take Immediate Action.
A philosophy that serves me well is the idea that every “failure” offers an opportunity to grow.
When something goes wrong or doesn’t unfold according to plan, rather than view it as a failure and get caught up in your head like I mentioned earlier. Get into action.
Here’s what I mean…
Rather than continue to moan and groan and feel angry and frustrated with the negative reaction I encountered just days before, I re-focused positive energy to designing a new program launching later this year.
I mapped out a new group coaching program, created a content calendar for the next 3 months, and then called it a day early to watch a movie with my honey.
I’ve had the privilege to be part of amazing masterminds and group programs. Surrounding myself with people who really care about my success makes all the difference in the world. When you have this, it’s pretty difficult to really fail.
I’m so excited to be launching new programs like IAWBO’s Success Rituals Online student pass. My goal is for these programs to become your reason why it’s impossible for you to fail.
Setbacks can be a catalyst to mega creativity – IF – you get out of your head, ask for help and… fail forward.
Okay…
I’ve gotta run. Steve and I are planning a romantic (very needed and well deserved) getaway but first… we’re off to get some ice cream!
Great Post! I’ve certainly experienced this myself, and I’m sure many of us out there have. Great tips on how to overcome these “negative nellys” out there!!! Thanks!
Thanks Tina! I originally wrote this post almost 2 years ago now and one of my clients experienced a negative response to an email broadcast this on Monday. It’s so frustrating when it happens. So rather than refer her to the old post I knew this was a great topic for the women in business online podcasts and re-posting could support more women in the community xo.
Thanks Gina! This post was very helpful as to not only how to deal with a “bubble burst” but also how to deal with your own fear and negative talk. Such a wise woman you are!
Gina. I listened to your podcast AND read your post. The ‘fail forward’ point struck a chord. What a great way to get out of being stuck and focused on the negative response that is guaranteed when we are presenting something new to the world. It’s important to have strong emotional boundaries to avoid the effect of someone else’s insecurity on our efforts to make life better for us and for so many others who are open to benefits of our work. Great post for supporting resilience! Best wishes with your new program(s). IAWBO continues to grow in value.
Thanks Dori! I find that we – especially women – can be master self-saboteurs and the self-talk piece can fuel that fire – UNLESS – we re-frame it and leverage the self talk to discover the truth and re-engage with reality (Oh, the stories we can tell ourselves lol). Thanks so much for your comment xo
Hi Patricia! Thanks so much for your feedback. Re-framing what is typically self-sabotage has become a conversation I’m increasingly passionate about. I so agree with your comment on emotional boundaries – it’s essential for strengthening our bounce back muscles. xo
Love this Gina!
Been through this a few times myself and it’s never fun.
I think people forget that there’s actually a real person on the other end of the computer screen.
I try to remember that they aren’t my “right” people anyway – so it’s ok to just let them go. Sometimes it’s easier than other times to just let it go though. LOL.
Thanks for the helpful tips – you’re right, reaching out for support is the fastest way to get back on track and remembering how many people DO love you!
Steph
xo
Absolutely Steph! And your comment reminded me of another tip I could add to this post… for women to gather and document evidence of how awesome they REALLY are and the value people really do receive from their great work. This could be a journal; a file on the computer; a binder … doesn’t matter. Just have some place to save the good stuff so you can give yourself a reality check when the odd troll surfaces. xo
Oh Gina, who hasn’t been there!
The only difference between those who succeed/thrive and those who don’t is mindset. Often Dream-Stealers will come out of the works and try to bring you down in order to boost themselves. It’s petty, and basically ‘The bully on the playground’ scenario all over again.
You did the best thing anyone could…you reached out! Support is so important. Anyone who is successful has been there, but no one seems to talk about it (except in the odd blog post or email confession). That is why I created the Emergency Mindset Makeover telesummit, so that women in business online could see that ALL of us feel that way once in a while. And when you start to really step into your brilliance, more trolls will come out to get you.
Get support and keep going and no matter what, bounce back!
Thanks for breaking the illusion that experts don’t feel fear…we just do it anyway
Kim
PS- For anyone interested in hearing Gina talk more about Mindset, join us for the Emergency Mindset Makeover Telesummit. It’s free and it runs June 20-24. You can sign up at http://emergencymindsetmakeover.com
Kim! Thanks for sharing this… looks like this is a fifth tip I could add to the article. YES! Ladies, please do join us for the Emergency Mindset Makeover Telesummit. I can’t wait to share more about how to transform self-sabotage into a catalyst for greater success! xo
Gina, even though you say this post is 2 years old, it showed up in my mailbox at just the right time! (Coincidentally, it also showed up just after I had unburdened myself to my Mastermind Group.) Thanks so much – it is so great to know we aren’t alone!
Hi Terry, I love to hear that, not that you experienced negativity, but that the message found you when you needed it most. Being surrounded by people who “get” you and care about your success is one of those “priceless” benefits of being part of a mastermind that you have to experience to truly understand. ~ Gina xo
Hi Gina,
Great article. It’s very timelly for me, and validated exactly what I was feeling today. Thank you!
The part about “war wounds as an indicator of being noticed” resonates with me in particular right now.
It can be disheartning to deal with negativity when you know the work you are doing is adding value to your clients & your clients clients in helping them all reach a common goal. Just when you know you are gaining headway and making a difference in the lives of others & you start to feel great about the energy you are bringing into the universe, others get threatened and try to twist your work to deflect thier own inadequacies. Instead of choosing to be disapointed or allowing the negativity to impact me in any way, I’m choosing to channel that energy, make it positive & put it back into my work and further the careers of my clients and myself.
I would love to learn more about your Mastermind group.
It’s a support system I would love to contribute to as well as benefit from.
I’d love to connect with you directly
Annette Carroll annette@acarrollconsulting.com
Hi Annette! Thanks! Love your perspective about how others can react when your brilliance is shining brightly
so true! I’ll respond to you by email and we can chat about the mastermind and set a date to connect. xo